We all enjoy the birth of a new baby amidst us. But then we equally dread at the thought of some of our loved ones passing away. As we human beings arrive on the earth, we also have to leave it one fine day, away from all our near and dear ones. The icy hands of destiny do not shower its mercy on any human being. At that moment, all the other facts are reduced to a mere nothing and no matter how influential, loved or wealthy, he or she had been, they all become useless and it is beyond the capacity of anybody to save him or her from the clutches of death. In spite of being aware of the fact that one day or the other everyone has to leave this earth, nevertheless we still grieve at the death of our loved ones. We are at that point of time, enveloped with a lot of emotions, the most important of them being the feeling of grief and a sense of loss, which cannot be expressed in mere words. This does not happen at merely the death of our family members, but also in the case of the death of our friends. No matter at that point of time, how best we try to avoid such emotions and find out how to deal with death, they only appear to grip us in their clutches even more.
The fact is the order of our lives alters owing to the death of somebody, and the sooner we try to accept this bitter truth, the better. However, there are bound to be those days when we experience the feelings of life returning back to its earlier normal state, but then we have to accept the fact that life would never be the same any more in the absence of him/her. The moment or the day we have come to accept as well as realize this truth, we would have come back to our normal state of lives.
No matter how much other people might try to advice us not to mourn too much over the death of someone, we cannot but do exactly that. However, as contrary to what they have to say about the fact that crying over their loss is not good for us, the truth is something else. Grieving at the loss of our loved ones actually aid us in getting over the feelings of grief and loss in a better and faster manner than if we would have concealed or tried to suppress our emotions. It helps us in coping with the adversity at hand and being healed faster. The deep as well as intense feelings of grief and heart-break indicates the fact that the connection with that individual has been severed forever. No doubt, mourning at the death and loss of a person is something unfortunate, but then we also have to accept as well as understand the fact that it is extremely essential in our process of getting over the fact that our family member or friend would never come back to us ever again. When we say that we have to go ahead of all these emotions, it does not imply the fact that we have to forget everything about the person who has expired. Besides, it is said that, we need to enjoy our lives once again in the same way as before. This does not mean that we are not sensing the absence of our friend. Moreover, being rid of all the feelings of grief and loss does not imply the fact that we are betraying our loyalties towards our loved ones, who have passed away. It merely means that we have got rid of the sudden sense of grief as well as loss that we had experienced out of the blue, and that it has decreased to some extent with each passing day.
Even though, all of us experience the emotions of grief at the sudden death of somebody, our reactions to that differs, based on our individual character traits and personalities. Of course, the basic feelings over the passing away of an individual is similar in most of the human beings.
Back in the year, 1969, an eminent psychiatrist by the name of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross had conducted an extensive research as well as study of the behavior patterns of a person who suddenly had to go through emotions of extreme grief and loss, owing to the demise of a near and dear one among the immediate circle of family or friends , and she had come up with some interesting observations. These she had brought out in the form of “five stages of grief” which have been basically deduced after taking into consideration people who had had to go through the feelings of death, tragedy as well as unfortunate loss of a loved one. The people who had been taken into consideration as part of her research and study work were mainly terminally ill patients, mostly suffering from cancer and depending on her observations, Kubler-Ross had come up with the following phases which an individual facing loss have to bear through.
- Not being able to accept the death of the person: The very first response in most of us after the death of a family member or friend is that of denial. That is to say, at the moment we get the piece of news regarding the expiry of our loved one, we are in a state wherein we are not able to come to terms with the fact that he or she is no longer alive. What we go through at that point of time is that our brains immediately give a cover making us go through the emotions of denial of the reality.
- Feelings of anger enveloping us: The next reaction in us is that of a feeling of extreme anger and outrage about the fact that why was that unfortunate thing happening to us and not to some other individual. We are left with questions that ask, “Why is this event taking place only with me?” and “Who is to be blamed for it?” It is as if, had we found out the source causing that thing to happen, we would have avenged the death of our near and dear ones.
- We try to bargain: The other thing we do at this point of time is to begin bargaining with ourselves that had this unfortunate thing not occurred, then we would have done an act of goodness or the other. If possible, we also try our level best to believe that there is still a bit of hope left in the form of that news of death of that person turning out to be false.
- The stage of depression: As is so very common, the next feeling that overtakes us is the natural feeling of depression, which has found the highest mention in the books as well as columns on health in the modern times, like no other disease. We are forced to live in a state where no task interests us anymore and we experience a state wherein, nothing seems worth doing or worth thinking about.
- Learn to accept the biter truth: The last stage that follows among all these stages is the stage of accepting of the fact that we are no longer fortunate enough to experience the company of that individual who has passed away. It is probably this feeling of accepting of the truth that finally brings about in us a bit of peace.
Even though these as found out by Kubler-Ross, are a few of the normal symptoms at the news of the death of our loved ones and the eventual emotions of grief and loss, one cannot say for sure if these would take place with one and all. However, it is the process of finding out and understanding of the feelings of grief as well as loss and their associated symptoms which in turn aid us in knowing how to deal with death of our loved ones. Besides, we have to recognize the differences between the common problem of depression and the worse form of trauma.
Moreover, we need to find out, recognize, and understand how to deal with death as the subsequent anxiety as well as stress following the death of a family member or friend can have a bad toll on our bodies and minds. We have to adhere to the natural measures for that, or else the other artificial methods can no doubt have an instant effect in relieving us of the pain and suffering, but then in the long run, they would leave us in a state wherein we are affected emotionally, physically as well as spiritually. One of the few first steps in this direction can be looking after our own bodies, spending as much of time as possible with people whom we admire and who love us back in return and trying to pay our visits to the community services of the church. It is something obvious that the sudden passing away of our loved ones leave us in a state of utter grief as well as shock, but what we need to tell ourselves at this point of time is that, no doubt the damage has been done, but what you can do is to move ahead in life, with the hope that whatever actions you undertake, would add to the glory of the deceased one.